Keeping Calm All Day

I've been doing well with self-control this month, if I do say so myself. I've felt more put together, less upset and haven't really lost my temper. I feel good about where I am. I feel like I'm really making a positive change in my teaching towards being more student centered and more controlled. I'm proud of myself and the work I've done It is nice to feel that way.

There is one more thing I want to work on and that is keeping my composure until the end of the day. I lose my cool more often in my last period than I do in other classes. While my students are gearing up for the end of the day and their energy is high, I'm winding down from a day of teaching and don't have as much energy. So they are chatty and my fuse is shorter. They don't do anything particularly wrong; I have bigger problems with behavior in other classes. They are probably my most creative class. But they are chatty and I lose my patience with them faster than I probably should. It is not fair to them that I get more upset because it is near the end of the day. I don't yell at them but I get sharp with them and enforce rules more strictly than I do in other classes. I want my last period to get the same kind of treatment as my other classes.

I'm not sure what to do about this. I'm trying to make sure I eat during the day so my blood sugar doesn't drop. I have a bad habit of not eating until I get home, which doesn't work for so many reasons. My prep period is right before my last period so I try to use that time to decompress. But neither of those things feel like enough. So this week I really want to focus on carrying my mood through to the end of the day. Maybe I'll have a brain wave how to do that at some point.

Doing it With Them

It's been a long time since I acted. I enjoy directing and dramaturgy more than acting and I loathe auditioning with all my heart and soul. So I haven't really acted since my freshman year of college. But with the monologue unit I am teaching, I feel like I need to do this project with my students. They aren't seeing why I'm having them do the activities and exercises that I am. I explain it to them but it's not having the impact that I want.

I had a brain wave. I'm not sure if it will work. But I'm going to do the assignment with them. I'm going to go through the emotional recall assignments, character work, etc. that they have been doing and I will perform when they do and they will grade me. I want them to see that the work I ask them to do and the rehearsal time I give them is necessary for a quality performance.

I'm scared. I stopped acting for a reason and I'm out of practice. But this feels like the right thing to do. As soon as I had the idea it felt like a path I needed to go down. I'm setting myself up as an authority figure but have not shown them that I have earned that position. I have to go with my gut on this.

I've chosen to do a cut-down version of "Clear Glass Marbles" from Talking With... by Jane Martin. I read it in high school and loved it but never got to perform it. So now is my chance. Here goes nothing.

I Don't Want to Be That Teacher

I'm reading And Still We Rise: the Trials and Triumphs of Twelve Gifted Inner-City Students by Miles Corwin. I got it on a whim at the bookstore and have found it really interesting. The stories of these students are heart-wrenching and the drive they have to learn and succeed is motivating. I'm also being educated on issues of race and education, something I appreciate.

What's hitting me the hardest though is the portrayal of the AP English teacher, Toni Little. I connect with this woman. I connect with her frustrations about class size and tardiness, about lack of copies and classroom supplies, her feelings of being picked on by administration and being disrespected by students. I relate to her personality, where she has good days and bad days. On her good days she is cheerful, excited about her subject and easy to work with. On bad days she is grumpy, yells at students over minor infractions and doesn't care about the material. I worry I am that way. And I do not want to be. I don't want to be that teacher. I don't want to be the teacher that students worry about, that is hit or miss depending on the day, that no one wants to work with because they are so volatile. I don't want to be that person. It is easy to let admin and student drama and lack of supplies ruin my day and it is easy for me to take that out on my students. But I don't want to do that. I want my kids to trust me every day. I want to be consistent and not lose my cool or punish a student just because I'm having a bad day. I want people to take me seriously because I don't freak out over everything. I've been working on this but I've never seen what I don't want to be set down so strongly in black and white before. It's a good reminder of who I want to be as a teacher and who I don't.

So I guess that is another goal for the rest of this month: don't be Toni Little.

Minimalist Sets

I am not a big set design person. My preference in everything I direct is minimalist. I think it puts the focus on the performance and saves money. So I was super stoked when a friend of mine showed me these, two articles about a minimalist production of Into the Woods from Fiasco Theatre. That show has a reputation for being complex when it comes to technical elements. But this show does away with that. It's nice to see simplified productions; they give me ideas and make me feel like less of a crazy person for liking minimal shows.

Student Perceptions of Classes

I keep hearing students say "We don't do anything in that class." It really throws me off. Are they really sitting in all of their classes literally doing nothing? I doubt it. I know several of the teachers they are talking about and know that those teachers do things in their classes. I've heard them say that they don't do anything in my class. I know that is not true too. We have something specific to do and something specific to learn every day. So what qualifies in students' minds as "doing something?"

Does it only count if they take a test? Or do something for a grade? Or get out of their seats? What qualifies as doing something? It's hard not to take it personally when students say that they don't do anything in my classes. I feel like a failure as a teacher if they think they aren't doing anything. But I've also heard them call tests, performances and presentations "nothing." So it seems like there is some kind of disconnect between activities and learning. They aren't seeing why they are doing something and therefore see it as nothing. Or they don't understand what they are supposed to be learning from an activity or lesson and therefore don't see the point in doing it. Or they just don't care.

I'm not sure what I can do about the not caring thing. But I can do my best to make sure students know what they are supposed to be learning and why it matters, both in the context of the class and in real life. That is an area I feel like I do fairly well in. My brain wants to see those kinds of connections so when I teach I point them out to my students or help them explore those connections themselves. And when push comes to shove  I know they are doing something in my class.

Different Kinds of Assignments

I'm noticing that I'm getting in a bit of a rut as far as the kind of assignments I'm giving. I feel like there is a fair amount of variety in what we do in class, but the things that get turned in or graded or used to formally assess understanding are all either written or performance assignments. While I don't have a problem with giving those kinds of assignments, I'd like to add some variety to the kinds of assignments I give. I reached out to several Facebook groups and my instructional coach for ideas, but here are some things I've thought of:

• Having students do presentations with visual aids
• Some kind of drawing assignment (I found one I like on TheatreFolk where students create a business card for a character they are playing)
• Have students physically create a prop, set model, costume or some such thing
• Have them turn in designs that are drawn out

I'm hoping that I can find some other ideas. I was taught to diversify my assessments and assignments so that everyone can show what they know in a way that works for them. I do my best to make that happen and would like some ideas to improve the diversification in my classroom. If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them! 

Thinking About Shame

I'm currently reading I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't) by Brene Brown. She is a shame researcher. I read her books because of personal issues with shame, but I think it also applies to my teaching. Too often teachers try to shame students into working or behaving. I've seen it done and I've probably done it before. I know that it doesn't work and have never intentionally tried to shame a student into behaving. But when I get upset I'm sure that shaming statements come out of my mouth.

As the book says, "You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behavior." I believe that is true. And while I don't intentionally try to shame my students I want to pay closer attention to what I say to make sure that I am really not shaming them. So as part of my self control this month, I want to make sure I don't shame my students. Part of that involves figuring out exactly what shaming behavior looks like. I know that comparing students to each other, mocking their behavior and focusing on the negative all play a part. I want to do some more research on this so I can make sure I don't fall into the trap of shame.