Keeping Calm All Day

I've been doing well with self-control this month, if I do say so myself. I've felt more put together, less upset and haven't really lost my temper. I feel good about where I am. I feel like I'm really making a positive change in my teaching towards being more student centered and more controlled. I'm proud of myself and the work I've done It is nice to feel that way.

There is one more thing I want to work on and that is keeping my composure until the end of the day. I lose my cool more often in my last period than I do in other classes. While my students are gearing up for the end of the day and their energy is high, I'm winding down from a day of teaching and don't have as much energy. So they are chatty and my fuse is shorter. They don't do anything particularly wrong; I have bigger problems with behavior in other classes. They are probably my most creative class. But they are chatty and I lose my patience with them faster than I probably should. It is not fair to them that I get more upset because it is near the end of the day. I don't yell at them but I get sharp with them and enforce rules more strictly than I do in other classes. I want my last period to get the same kind of treatment as my other classes.

I'm not sure what to do about this. I'm trying to make sure I eat during the day so my blood sugar doesn't drop. I have a bad habit of not eating until I get home, which doesn't work for so many reasons. My prep period is right before my last period so I try to use that time to decompress. But neither of those things feel like enough. So this week I really want to focus on carrying my mood through to the end of the day. Maybe I'll have a brain wave how to do that at some point.

Doing it With Them

It's been a long time since I acted. I enjoy directing and dramaturgy more than acting and I loathe auditioning with all my heart and soul. So I haven't really acted since my freshman year of college. But with the monologue unit I am teaching, I feel like I need to do this project with my students. They aren't seeing why I'm having them do the activities and exercises that I am. I explain it to them but it's not having the impact that I want.

I had a brain wave. I'm not sure if it will work. But I'm going to do the assignment with them. I'm going to go through the emotional recall assignments, character work, etc. that they have been doing and I will perform when they do and they will grade me. I want them to see that the work I ask them to do and the rehearsal time I give them is necessary for a quality performance.

I'm scared. I stopped acting for a reason and I'm out of practice. But this feels like the right thing to do. As soon as I had the idea it felt like a path I needed to go down. I'm setting myself up as an authority figure but have not shown them that I have earned that position. I have to go with my gut on this.

I've chosen to do a cut-down version of "Clear Glass Marbles" from Talking With... by Jane Martin. I read it in high school and loved it but never got to perform it. So now is my chance. Here goes nothing.

I Don't Want to Be That Teacher

I'm reading And Still We Rise: the Trials and Triumphs of Twelve Gifted Inner-City Students by Miles Corwin. I got it on a whim at the bookstore and have found it really interesting. The stories of these students are heart-wrenching and the drive they have to learn and succeed is motivating. I'm also being educated on issues of race and education, something I appreciate.

What's hitting me the hardest though is the portrayal of the AP English teacher, Toni Little. I connect with this woman. I connect with her frustrations about class size and tardiness, about lack of copies and classroom supplies, her feelings of being picked on by administration and being disrespected by students. I relate to her personality, where she has good days and bad days. On her good days she is cheerful, excited about her subject and easy to work with. On bad days she is grumpy, yells at students over minor infractions and doesn't care about the material. I worry I am that way. And I do not want to be. I don't want to be that teacher. I don't want to be the teacher that students worry about, that is hit or miss depending on the day, that no one wants to work with because they are so volatile. I don't want to be that person. It is easy to let admin and student drama and lack of supplies ruin my day and it is easy for me to take that out on my students. But I don't want to do that. I want my kids to trust me every day. I want to be consistent and not lose my cool or punish a student just because I'm having a bad day. I want people to take me seriously because I don't freak out over everything. I've been working on this but I've never seen what I don't want to be set down so strongly in black and white before. It's a good reminder of who I want to be as a teacher and who I don't.

So I guess that is another goal for the rest of this month: don't be Toni Little.

Minimalist Sets

I am not a big set design person. My preference in everything I direct is minimalist. I think it puts the focus on the performance and saves money. So I was super stoked when a friend of mine showed me these, two articles about a minimalist production of Into the Woods from Fiasco Theatre. That show has a reputation for being complex when it comes to technical elements. But this show does away with that. It's nice to see simplified productions; they give me ideas and make me feel like less of a crazy person for liking minimal shows.

Student Perceptions of Classes

I keep hearing students say "We don't do anything in that class." It really throws me off. Are they really sitting in all of their classes literally doing nothing? I doubt it. I know several of the teachers they are talking about and know that those teachers do things in their classes. I've heard them say that they don't do anything in my class. I know that is not true too. We have something specific to do and something specific to learn every day. So what qualifies in students' minds as "doing something?"

Does it only count if they take a test? Or do something for a grade? Or get out of their seats? What qualifies as doing something? It's hard not to take it personally when students say that they don't do anything in my classes. I feel like a failure as a teacher if they think they aren't doing anything. But I've also heard them call tests, performances and presentations "nothing." So it seems like there is some kind of disconnect between activities and learning. They aren't seeing why they are doing something and therefore see it as nothing. Or they don't understand what they are supposed to be learning from an activity or lesson and therefore don't see the point in doing it. Or they just don't care.

I'm not sure what I can do about the not caring thing. But I can do my best to make sure students know what they are supposed to be learning and why it matters, both in the context of the class and in real life. That is an area I feel like I do fairly well in. My brain wants to see those kinds of connections so when I teach I point them out to my students or help them explore those connections themselves. And when push comes to shove  I know they are doing something in my class.

Different Kinds of Assignments

I'm noticing that I'm getting in a bit of a rut as far as the kind of assignments I'm giving. I feel like there is a fair amount of variety in what we do in class, but the things that get turned in or graded or used to formally assess understanding are all either written or performance assignments. While I don't have a problem with giving those kinds of assignments, I'd like to add some variety to the kinds of assignments I give. I reached out to several Facebook groups and my instructional coach for ideas, but here are some things I've thought of:

• Having students do presentations with visual aids
• Some kind of drawing assignment (I found one I like on TheatreFolk where students create a business card for a character they are playing)
• Have students physically create a prop, set model, costume or some such thing
• Have them turn in designs that are drawn out

I'm hoping that I can find some other ideas. I was taught to diversify my assessments and assignments so that everyone can show what they know in a way that works for them. I do my best to make that happen and would like some ideas to improve the diversification in my classroom. If anyone has any ideas, I'd love to hear them! 

Thinking About Shame

I'm currently reading I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't) by Brene Brown. She is a shame researcher. I read her books because of personal issues with shame, but I think it also applies to my teaching. Too often teachers try to shame students into working or behaving. I've seen it done and I've probably done it before. I know that it doesn't work and have never intentionally tried to shame a student into behaving. But when I get upset I'm sure that shaming statements come out of my mouth.

As the book says, "You cannot shame or belittle people into changing their behavior." I believe that is true. And while I don't intentionally try to shame my students I want to pay closer attention to what I say to make sure that I am really not shaming them. So as part of my self control this month, I want to make sure I don't shame my students. Part of that involves figuring out exactly what shaming behavior looks like. I know that comparing students to each other, mocking their behavior and focusing on the negative all play a part. I want to do some more research on this so I can make sure I don't fall into the trap of shame.

More Music

I've mentioned in previous posts that music helps put me in a good place when I am teaching. I was reminded of that today. I was listening to this song this morning as I was getting ready in my classroom and today was a really good day. I think that having the music playing this morning put me in a good spot to have energy and a good attitude as I taught.

I have a list on my computer of songs that help put me in a good place. Some of them seem like downers but for some reason the lyrics or the melody speak to me. Here's a list of the songs that help me. I'm in the process of moving them to my work computer so I can listen to them at work. 

• Corner of the Sky from the musical Pippin
• Magic to Do from the musical Pippin
• Freak Flag from the musical Shrek
• Already Home by A Great Big World
• Let It Go from the movie Frozen
• No More from the musical Into the Woods
• Giants in the Sky from the musical Into the Woods
• Don't Forget Me from the TV show Smash
• Firework by Katy Perry
• One Voice by the Wailin' Jennys
• Who Says by Selena Gomez
• Part of Me by Katy Perry
• The Parting Glass by Celtic Woman
• Highland by Blackmore's Night
• If I Can't Love Her from the musical Beauty and the Beast
• Shape in the Sky by Donovan from the movie Brother Sun, Sister Moon
• Stone by Stone by Buddy Comfort from the movie Brother Sun, Sister Moon
• Brother Sun, Sister Moon by Buddy Comfort from the movie Brother Sun, Sister Moon
• Whatever You Want by Vienna Teng
• 3 Black Crows by Blackmore's Night
• A Place in the Choir by Celtic Thunder
• Light One Candle by Peter, Paul and Mary
• Super Trooper from the movie Mama Mia
• Life's a Happy Song from the movie The Muppets
• Through Heaven's Eyes from the movie The Prince of Egypt
• Make Them Hear You from the musical Ragtime
• Into the Fire from the musical The Scarlet Pimpernel
• Defying Gravity from the musical Wicked
• There Were Roses by Cara Dillon
• Antebellum by Vienna Teng
• Still Hurting from the musical The Last Five Years

This is my crazy mix of music. I'll probably add to it but this is my go to base. 

More Help for Performing Classes

I have two classes that put on plays as part of the class. That was how the classes were set up when I was hired and after the trouble I've had with getting students to come to after school rehearsal I understand why most rehearsals are done in class. But it is a structure that I am not overly familiar with. My high school did all after school rehearsals and when I student taught my classes were beginning drama classes. So I've been struggling with how to make these classes work and make it as much of a learning opportunity as possible.

Today a friend posted this blog post on my Facebook page. It outlines how students should prepare for rehearsal and for a production. I like this a lot and am going to print it out and give it to my students so they can understand what is expected of them as we begin rehearsal. They are very sued to throwing things together at the last minute and I am trying to combat that. I expect them to have more experience and understanding of theatre production than they do because the teacher before me ran an improv based program. I like this list and think it will give me a good starting point for my students!

Documentation

I've always heard that as a teacher you need to document everything. I've never quite known what that means. I've documented interactions with students, but wasn't quite sure what to record. Recently after all the drama with my administration I've started really documenting everything.

I started with sign in and sign out sheets for rehearsals. I've tended to do sign in sheets but now every time students leave the auditorium for any reason I make them sign out and sign back in when they come in so I have a record of where they were when. I'm doing the same for auditions next week.

I've got a file on my computer where I document not just discipline but anything that might turn into a problem. If it looks like students are upset at each other, I make a note, If someone comes to my class with permission, I make a note. I'm tried of being blindsided by stuff, so I make notes of everything.

I'm also keeping track of interactions with admin. I need to get my scripts approved and in the past I have just dropped them off. This time around I'm having the secretary sign a paper that says I dropped it off and when so that way I can prove that they were in possession of the script.

I hate having to do this; it's making me feel paranoid. But I don't feel like I have much of a choice.

Emotional Recall

I'm starting a monologue unit with my beginning drama classes this semester. We've done a lot of work on physical characterization and know I want to add emotional character concepts to the mix. I'm using some Stanislaski methods to help them access character emotions. Part of that includes emotional recall.

I was really put off emotional recall when I was student teaching. My cooperating teacher was really into emotional recall and would push her students to access really painful memorizes to help them create characters. She had students in tears as she pushed them to relive really difficult times in their lives. It enraged me; these students were suffering and she was forcing them to suffer for the sake of a part. I'm a theatre person and love it with all my hear, but no play and not part is worth damaging a student physically or mentally, especially when they are young and don't have the ability to deal with the fall out. We are teacher and directors, not psychologists. Ever since seeing her teach like that I have been loathe to teach emotional recall.

I've decided to do a bit of emotional recall work with my students because it can be helpful in helping students access the character. But I'm leaving a lot of it in my students' hands. I don't want to be the one choosing the memories they access because I don't know what they can handle. I also try to put them back into a positive place after we do emotional recall work. I'm also going to give them other options for students to access the character's emotional life.

I hope that I'm making the right decision and that I'm handling it well. I really don't want to do the same thing my cooperating teacher did.

Making Students Accountable

I've been losing my mind with every show that I've done over the past year and a half. My students do not memorize their lines. Most of them do, but there is always a significant number of students don't know their lines by the assigned memorization date. Some aren't even fully memorized by the show opening. It's been driving me nuts. The biggest problem is that I can't make any directing decisions because everyone is so focused on their lines. My students have really good ideas to make the show more interesting. So do I. But the ideas don't surface until a few days before the show opens. That leaves us scrambling in implement them or unable to incorporate them into the show. That makes me sad; we miss out on great ideas and the shows aren't as good as they could be. i really want that to change.

I was at a loss as to how to enforce the memorization date. Nothing I've done so far has accomplished anything. I was talking to my instructional couch about the problem, and he gave me the following idea. Each day students are given a 1, 2 or 3 based on their memorization and behavior. Anyone who earns a one gets a phone call home. Anyone earning 4 one grades will lose their part. I'm going to send paperwork home for parents to see and sign so that everyone knows what the rules are. I'm done fighting the same battles over and over again. I have several students who work hard and memorize quickly and can take on extra parts if necessary. So that is the new plan for my performing classes.

New Year's Resolutions

I was going back through the blog today (and removing a few things due to concerns about revealing my identity) and realized how much I've learned as a teacher this year. It hasn't felt like it with drama with students and admin, but I've learned a lot as a teacher. I feel more stable in the classroom, less frazzled with my students and more confident in ideas to try. So I'm thinking this project is working. I'm learning.

I'm very prone to trying to change a million things at once. Then I get bogged down and don't accomplish anything. That is why I wanted to just pick one thing a month to concentrate on so that I had a better chance of being successful. But there is one thing I want to add to my project.

I've noticed recently that I stop myself from smiling. I feel like smiling or laughing at something but I stop myself for some reason. I don't know why I do that, but it bothers me. It means that often the people I'm around don't know how I feel. I want that to change. When my students make me laugh, I want them to know that they have. So I'm going to try to follow my instinct to smile this year.

With that in mind, here is a weird Beatles song. In my intermediate class after a performance someone shouted "Flawless" and someone responded "Did you say walrus?" and then the whole class fell apart. Now we yell "Walrus" after every performance. I want to play this song when we go back to school next week.

Back for the New Year

Some shit hit the fan at work in December. My admin and I cannot find a way to communicate. What i see as looking for clarification they see as insubordination. When I want a discussion they want obedience. We cannot agree on what is best for my students. It has caused some problems. That, on top of my Christmas show and running all kinds of stuff in the auditorium, I just pulled out. But I'm back and I'm going to keep trying. Because that is what I do I suppose. I can keep trying to do better and improve regardless of obstacles, or I can give up. And I can't give up on my kids or on myself. I have to do this; I have to be the best teacher I can be. So, we're back.

In January I wanted to work on self control. When I started this project that meant not getting upset with my students. While I still want to work on that, it is a lot better than last year. So I also want to focus on on losing control when dealing with my administration. I want to keep my head down and not engage with them because every time I engage problems just get worse. Everything in me wants to defend myself, to prove my point, to have a conversation, to get an answer. But none of that is going to happen as the last several months have proven. So to keep my program in a safe place I will not engage. I will do what I am told when I have to and avoid any other contact because I have tried everything else I can think of to create decent relationships. That goes against everything that I am but that is the plan.