Being Student Focused Runs Both Ways

I've realized something about being student focused. Not only does it mean trying to do what is best for them even if it isn't my preference, it also means doing what is best for them even if it isn't there preference. They will not always be happy with what I do and that is okay. Them being unhappy doesn't have to mean I'm doing something wrong.

There is a balance between making sure students have a voice in what is going on and not letting them run the show. They are still students, still learning and still need guidance. So while there are many times I can take their input, there are also times that I need to go with what I know is best.

There is also a balance between individual students and the group. I don't want to make my students unhappy. But I can't give one dramatic student a part just to make her happy if that will make the whole show suffer. Not everyone can get the parts they want. That is the nature of drama. Yesterday I cast my improv show hosts. I had three groups audition to host. One was a girl that I've had problems with and who tends to cause drama and get me in trouble. I know she wanted to host and part of me wanted to give it to her just to avoid the drama. But she was not the best there. Her energy was low even when given a second chance. If I cast her just to make her feel good the whole show would suffer. That is not fair to the other students who work hard.

I can't take it personally when kids get angry at me or when they are upset by how things are running. I know more than them about many things and them being upset doesn't always mean I have dome something wrong. I need to remember that so that I can stay the teacher in my classroom instead of my kids completely running the show and not learning anything.

Between a Rock and a Hard Place

I'm trying to stay student focused and it's going okay. I'm keeping my temper and remembering that this is about them. I can't force them to work harder than they are willing to and I can't do the work for them. We have a show in a week and it will be what it will be.

I've found myself in some situations where my putting my students first is upsetting to my administration. They want order and clean more then anything else. My trying to create opportunities for my students is work and lack of order for them and so there is not a lot of support from them and occasionally outright extreme behavior. Asking for clarification results in accusations of insubordination and pointing out problems that need addressing results in scrutiny of my teaching. I don't feel safe or respected here. I don't think my students are respected here. But pointing that out only causes more problems; it put me and my students under unfair scrutiny and nothing that needs to change does. I don't know how to move forward with this kind of fear.

November

I feel like November was a really successful month. I figured out that being student focused was what made for good days. It's a bit sad that it took me that long to figure that out, but hey, at least I got there. So even though I've had a lot on my plate, I've been having better days with my students. We've had some fun and they are learning. 

I also had some successes that made me happy. First, I got a grant to help pay for my Christmas show. I've never applied for a grant before and so getting one was really cool. I also got a few fundraising opportunities approved for my Drama Club. It's taken us a while to figure out what the rules are for fundraising activities, so we have two going at once. It's nice to see my club get moving. We are selling buy one get one free coupon cards to a pizza place and "holiday grams" that kids can order and have delivered to their friends in class before we leave for the Christmas break. We probably won't make a ton of money, but my kids are feeling involved. 

Last week was Thanksgiving, so we had three days off plus a weekend. I had enough work to do that I could have spent the whole break working. But instead my husband and I went to California. We slept in, went to the beach, had good food and didn't talk about work. It was amazing. Both of us feel so much better for having taken that vacation. We kept having to remind each other not to talk about work and that it was okay for us to be relaxing, but it was so needed. 

I'm still having some struggles with my administration, but I feel like I was successful in all my goals for this month. 

Admin are People Too...

I'm having a difficult time with my administration. There are a lot of reasons for that and I've been losing my mind about how to deal with them almost since I got here. I need to figure out a better way to deal with my feelings about and my interactions with them. So here are my ideas.

• I can't control how they behave: I can't control how they choose to run this school. I can't make them do anything. I need to remember that. Getting angry over things that are out of my control doesn't do any good. It just stresses me out. 
• Put myself in their shoes: I'm really bad at this. I'm very sure of my own correctness and get cranky when others don't share my opinion. I'm also protective of my students and program and get angry when I feel they are being ignored or treated unfairly. But running a large high school can't be an easy thing to do. They have a lot of teachers, a lot of students and not a lot of money. I need to remember that. 
• Pick my battles: It is in my nature to want to die on every hill that I come across. I'm right and everyone else needs to admit it. But I can't fight every battle. I just need to let some things go. I am not good at that. 
• Wait: I tend to react very quickly. I send emails or make phone calls when I am still upset or before I have thought the issue through. I have learned to be fairly calm when I do that, but it still causes problems. I need to wait before I react to anything that happens, to really calm down and think through what is happening then decide what to do. 

I'm not looking forward to this. I don't deal well with people who I disagree with. I don't want to get along with them. But I have to. So I'm going to try. 

Teaching Trust and Space

My intermediate is currently working on a children's show that will be performed next semester. As we were doing a fast run-through I noticed that they are not comfortable being in each others' space. They like each other and get along well, but there is a barrier in being able to stand close to each other or touch each other. I want to work on that because there are many close relationships in the play we are working on and I want to express those without it looking awkward. During the run-through, the two students who were supposed to be in love hugged, and it was one of the most awkward things I've ever seen.

I've seen this in the past. Some students have no personal bubble and some have huge ones. I want to help them break those down. Previously I have just forced them together and told them to deal with it. But over the past few years I've had some education on personal space.

I consider myself a feminist. Part of feminism is that people have the right to decide who touches them and who enters their space. Many people have a history that makes being touched frightening to them. There may be histories between students that I don't know about. So while I am trying to get them comfortable with each other and with acting using touch, I want to honor their right to decide what happens to their bodies.

I've tried to do this in a couple of ways. First, I do a lot of volunteers right now as we are starting. I let them decide how comfortable they are with various activities. I also try to keep a lid on students volunteering each other or pushing each other.

Second, I explained to my class that they have final say in who gets to touch them or be in their space. I asked that if there are individuals in the class that they have a history with and are uncomfortable doing close-contact activities with to let me know privately. I had one student ask not to be paired up with another and will be respecting that.

Third, I've tried to add a trust component to what we are doing. It's not just about popping personal bubbles, it is also about learning to trust each other. Today we did a trust circle and trust falls. They came together as a class in these activities. A few kids stepped out of their comfort zones.

This is going to take some work, but I think it will be less scary because we are taking things slow and working towards being comfortable with each other instead of just being thrown together and expected to deal with it.

More Ways to Make Rehearsal Productive

I've been looking for more ways to make rehearsal time more productive and make students more accountable for how they use it. I've tried a couple of different things that have seemed to work.

First, I've told students that at the end of the day they need to turn in something in that describes what they worked on that day. I've done it both as a written assignment and as a verbal assignment. In either case, they have to document what they did during rehearsal: what they worked on, what they accomplished, what they still need to do, etc. Of course they can lie but it places some accountability on them to account for how they use their rehearsal time.

Second, I group them. I got the idea from a thread about monologue rehearsal in the Facebook group Drama Teachers And Those Interested In Drama Education. People were asking for ideas about how to rehearse monologues and one person (I wish I remembered who) made several suggestions about grouping students and having them watch and critique each other.

- For the first couple of days, they work in pairs, practicing and giving each other feedback on each step that I give them (physical, emotions, projection, diction, fluency, etc).
- 2 days of small circles, where each student receives either the "performer" card or a category of the performance rubric; students get a chance to perform and receive specific feedback; then the cards rotate and the group repeats the process.
- 2 days of large circles: I create two concentric circles with chairs facing each other in pairs. Students get to practice performing their monologue to a partner and choose the feedback to give based on the rubric categories.
Throughout all of the activities, I have a list of names per day to listen to and give handwritten feedback.

I love these ideas and I'm using them with my beginning students right now. They start performing duo scenes at the end of this week. We've been working on blocking (specifically using levels and distance to tell stories and show relationships) and objectives and tactics. Today I put them into groups of 3 scenes and had them watch each other. I used my critique tool of "one thing they did well and one thing they could improve on" to get them used to this kind of group work. One scene would perform and everyone else would critique in writing them share their thoughts. They rotated through each scene at least once. Tomorrow they will be in groups again, this time critiquing blocking. On Wednesday they will be critiquing objectives and tactics. On Thursday each group will get to choose what they want their groups to look for. I will alternate having them write and turn in assignments and giving feedback verbally. I will probably pull out a few groups a day and see how they are doing as well. This way, students can get feedback on what to work on so their rehearsal time can be more productive. It also breaks up the process, so they don't get bored running their scenes over and over again.

In my advanced class we are working on a Christmas show that is lots of short scenes that don't really connect to each other. So I run several scenes at once. I take one group and have my student stage manager take another. Then I send other groups off to work on their own. I move between each group keeping them on track and giving feedback. We can't get into the auditorium right now (band and choir concerts in the next few weeks) and I got told off for sending kids into the hallway (even though band and choir does is) so I started taking my kids into the cafeteria. It's bigger than my room so I can keep everyone in the same space and see what they are doing while working with one group. Kids still get off track, but it is less frequent.

Why Was Yesterday a Good Day?

Most of my days teaching range from to "slightly annoying" to "okay." I have some really awful days and some days that are energizing and great. Yesterday was energizing and I really enjoyed it. Whenever I have a day like that, I wonder why that day was good and others are not. What do I do differently on good days? I realize that there are a lot things that are out of my control, but on days where things are running fairly smoothly what do I do differently to make it a good day?

I've been thinking about this for a while, and come up with some conclusions. First, on good days, it is me with my students working to learn together. It is not the "me vs. them" feeling that I get when I am frustrated. I focus on them having fun and on showing what they know instead of me jamming knowledge into their heads. In short, my focus is on my students, not on me. When I get stressed it's hard for me to focus on my students.

Second, in order to focus on my students I need to drop my perfectionism and fast pace. I get upset when I feel they are not learning fast enough or that they are not acting or learning as they should be learning. I've found that the word "should" is dangerous to me. I worry about what "should" be happening instead of what is actually happening. Instead of dealing with my students where they are I get upset that they aren't somewhere else.

Third, good days are days when I connect to my students. I'm continuing to work on acknowledging my students' feelings, but I still find myself dismissing their feelings. But on days when I don't, when i talk to them and connect with them, things are better. This video helped me realize that.

I'm in a position of authority over my students. Often I get caught up in that and forget that my students are people who deserve respect and empathy. So that is my next goal for November. Consistently be student-focused as I teach.   

Some Wins

A couple of wins today that I hope are a result of this project. First, one of my advanced students that I had a rocky relationship with at the beginning of the year went out to the hallway during class. He looked upset. So I went out to see what was going on. He was crying and when I went over to him he just hugged me and cried into my shoulder. He is having some struggles at home after coming out to his family. I was able to tell him I was proud of him for honoring who he is, because I am. Coming out is hard and brave and I told him as much. It seemed to help him to have an adult tell him that it is okay and hat he is okay. A few months ago I don't think he would have confided in me, and I would not have deserved his confidence. But I've been working to be more aware of how I interact with him and I think it is working.

Then in one of my beginning classes, a student called someone else a "f*ggot." I pulled him aside to talk to him about that kind of language. Cussing is what it is, but if someone cusses someone out or uses a insult like that then I try to address it. Making who someone is an insult is unacceptable. Using gay, girl, retarded,etc. as insults suggests that gay people and women are not as good as others. I told that student all of this, that using derogatory terms for a group of people as insults in not okay. He seemed to get it and apologized. When it comes to issues like that I try to change the behavior instead of just punishing it because most of the time they don't understand why the language they use is a problem. Last year I probably would have just punished or yelled at him.

I have a hard time seeing success in this project. But it's days like today that make me feel like I'm actually improving.

Successfully Avoiding Monkeys

Last week was our school's dance show. I was in charge of the technical elements, like I always am. We got lights hung and sound worked out and it ran pretty well. I have a tech crew made up of student workers who work the shows. It is a weird dynamic to be functioning as a sort of stage manager over a show I have zero familiarity with. Often I stress over elements that are not really my responsibility. I did my best not to do that this time.

For example, the dance teacher decided to add fog machines. She didn't get them to school until the last night of rehearsal and didn't really know how to work them. So my kids had to experiment with them. They were talking to me about how the fog looked weird to them and asked what they should do about it. I told them to keep doing what they were told to do. It is not our job to fix a show that doesn't belong to us. We do what the dance teacher tells us to do and don't try to direct it.

The same is true of the lights. She had a strobe light up and ran it with the lights on. I thought it would look better with the lights off, but again, not my show. I asked if she wanted the lights off, she said no, so I kept my mouth shut and quit worrying about it.

It was a fine line to walk between making sure the tech looked good and not directing the show. Basically I waited until I was asked to do something before I did it. If my opinion was asked, I gave it. But I let the show be what it was without taking responsibility for it. I was not the designer or the director and it felt good not to stress about it too much.

Consistency in Different Classes

Trying to be consistent is challenging when you have five different classes with very different personalities. I'm trying to balance what each class needs while maintaining fair treatment across classes. I have to remember that fair does not mean the same treatment (something my mom always said growing up and I never believed.) I still have a sense that being fair means treating everyone the same. But that just doesn't work. So I'm working on seeing the difference between what is fair what needs to happen to help students learn.

I have three different beginning drama classes: one at the beginning of the day, one in the middle and one at the end. They have very different personalities and so in order to get them to be constructive I have to treat them differently.

My beginning period is pretty dead. It is early and they are not very awake. I also get a lot of late students in that class. It takes a lot of energy to wake them up and get them moving. I push them a bit more because they come in with such low energy.

My middle period is pretty reasonable, but has a few very big personalities that need to be kept in check. I need to balance letting them express themselves and not letting the class get out of control.

My last period has a ton of energy, which seems to be the trend for the last period of the day. They are creative and fun to work with. But they can get out of control and distracted very fast. With them it is about focusing the energy they already have.

Because of these differences between classes, each one has different rules. Last period does not get to choose their own groups, ever. I always choose performance groups to get them to know new people, but my beginning and middle periods get to choose their own groups for smaller group assignments. I tried that with last period a few times and it was a mess. They did not focus at all. So now I choose their groups all the time.

I also have to be careful when I take volunteers in my last period. I have several very enthusiastic students who always want to participate. I love it. But I noticed that others starting sitting back and not working because others would always volunteer. So now I make sure I am cold-calling people as well as taking volunteers. I have a similar problem in first period except that no one volunteers. So I have to make sure I am not always calling on the same people.

My intermediate and advanced classes are both performance based. But they have different rules as well. My intermediate class does not have a seating chart. That class gets along well and has formed a really strong sense of community. My advanced class however is cliquish and so I've given them a seating chart to separate the cliques and make them get to know other people. They aren't a fan, but it has helped break things up a bit.

I try to be consistent within classes, making sure consequences and rules stay similar. But trying to do it across classes doesn't really help anyone.

Making Rehearsal Time Useful

I need to give my students rehearsal time in class when they are creating performances. They need a chance to practice skills and apply them to the performances they are doing. I'm used to dedicating full days just to rehearsal. That's what my drama teacher did in high school, what happened in college and what I saw when I was student teaching. I'm not sure how well it worked in those circumstances, but it does not work in my beginning classes. I get maybe fifteen or twenty minutes of rehearsal from them if I push. After that, nothing gets done. So I've rearranged how I run my rehearsal time. Instead of doing full days of teaching and full days of rehearsal, I try to do half and half. We learn about or review a skill then they apply in rehearsal for the last twenty or so minutes of class. For example, we were reviewing  physical character creation yesterday. We did some exercises and reviewed how to create a character physically for the first half of class. Then they rehearsed the duo scenes they are working on for the second half of class, focusing specifically on their physical characters.

I've found this is more helpful because they are focusing on specific skills instead of applying them all at once. Since they are new to acting, I think this is helpful. Breaking up the rehearsal time means they are more likely to use it as it comes in more frequent, smaller spurts.

On days that they do rehearse all day I am trying to do previews. Earlier this week they were rehearsing blocking they had created for their scenes after spending a week learning what blocking is and how to block. I spend the day watching each group perform and giving them feedback on their blocking. This meant that after I watched them they had things to work on. It also meant that they knew they were going to be watched during the class period so they were a bit more on their toes.

A lot of this may seem obvious, and I feel dumb that it took me this long to do this. But I did what I saw other people do my first year. This year I'm trying to figure out what works for me instead of copying other people.

Acting is More Then Saying Lines

I discovered something when I was having my advanced students evaluate their performance in their last show. When I asked them how they thought they did, almost all of them just talked about being memorized. They did not address their acting, their characters, their blocking, just how memorized they were. I found this troubling, as it reflected a trend I noticed in my beginning classes as well. Students seem to think that acting is getting on stage and saying memorized lines. So recently I've been pushing character creation in a couple of ways to help students learn to play someone different from themselves instead of just reciting lines.

In beginning we just finished a unit on physical and vocal characters. They were assigned a random character and spent a few weeks figuring out how that character might sit, stand, walk, move and talk We looked at how age, gender and occupation can change how people move and talk. We did lots of exercises pushing them to be as different from themselves as possible. They finished by performing a very short contentless scene, with the goal being for the class to guess who they were without being told. Now we are doing longer duo scenes. We just finished going over blocking and are now going back to physical character. Before we perform we will be adding objectives and tactics, to help them learn to play a characters feelings as well.

In advanced I've started warming them up by having them sit, stand and move as their characters in the show we are currently working on. As we continue to rehearse my goal is to make sure they aren't losing their physical and vocal characters as the scenes progress. Many of them start strong but drop their characters part way through. I need to start catching that.

Inspired by TheatreFolk

TheatreFolk recently put up a blog post looking at the goals and struggles of drama teachers. It made me realize I'm losing sight of what I want to accomplish and why I want to teach in all of the craziness that has been going on. My classes become about classroom management and not about theatre. So, here is my post inspired by TheatreFolk to remind me of what my goals are.

What are My Goals:

1. To teach my students to play someone different from themselves on stage, not just read lines as themselves.
2. To provide my students with access to different areas of theatre, not just acting.
3. To push my students to do more than they think they can.
4. To improve the reputation of my program in the school and community. 

What are My Struggles:

I've talked a lot about struggles, so I don't think I need to address them too much here. Basically it comes down to lack of follow-through from my students and lack of support from the administration, as well as my own thin skin, quick temper and fear of failure. 

What Does Teaching Drama Mean to Me?

1. It means giving students skills that will benefit them in and outside of the classroom.
2. It means giving students something they can be successful at. 
3. It means challenging myself to improve.
4. It means pushing students to become more than they expect themselves to become. 

I got so wrapped up in minutia that I lose why I'm teaching and what I'm trying to teach. Hopefully this month as I focus on what my priorities are, that will change. 

Picking My Monkeys

There is a Polish saying that translates roughly to "Not my circus, not my monkeys." I think it's going to be my motto for November. The goal this month is consistency. Initially I was thinking about grades and rules, but I think it's going to expand beyond that. I want to be consistent in my priorities and what problems I take on. I take on a lot of problems that I just can't solve and that really aren't my problem. I worry and stress over things I can't do anything about and accept things people hand me that don't really belong to me. Here are some monkeys that aren't mine and that I'm not taking back.

• The auditorium: Our auditorium has issues. Most of our equipment is broken, our fly system is  badly out of weight and has been for years, so it is falling apart. It is a mess. And yet everyone wants fancy technical aspects that I just don't have the equipment to do. I tell them that and then they get upset with me. It makes me upset that I can't do what they want and I feel like a failure. But it is not my fault that none of our equipment works or that it was managed so poorly for so long. There is only so much I can do and I'm tired of killing myself over this. It is what it is and if they don't like it that's their problem. 
• Admin expectations that are unreasonable. I've had several meetings with my administration where they seemed to want to get me in trouble. They raked me over the coals for incredibly minor things, like one sentence on a poster. It felt like a witch hunt. They kept telling me how to run my class in ways that make no sense with teaching drama. They are being unreasonable and I'm tired of dealing with it. I'm tired of trying to make them happy because nothing that I do is good enough. They always have something to complain about and always want me to do more and more. So I'm done with them. If they don't like what I'm doing they can come teach my classes and direct my shows and run the auditorium and facilitate drama club. I'm doing my best and if they aren't happy with that there is nothing I can do. 
• My students unreasonable requests. My students have a lot of ideas. Many are really great ideas. But some are just not feasible. I can't make money or time appear. I can't change copyright laws. Feeling bad that I can't give them everything they want isn't going to halp anything. 

My first goal for November is to stay consistent in what is important to me and what is not. My students learning and performing is important to me. My sanity is important to me. My relationships with my co-workers are important to me. My husband is important to me. Improving my teaching is important to me. If something does not improve my teaching I won't do it, no matter what the admin say. If something gets in the way of my students learning or my sanity, I won't worry about it. I will keep my priorities and the other monkeys need to find somewhere else to be. 

To Grade or Not to Grade

When I was student teaching I was feeling really overwhelmed with grading. I had stacks of of papers that I didn't know what to do with and didn't really have time to grade. I talked to my cooperating teacher about it and she told me something that was kind of revolutionary to me at the time. You don't need to grade everything. If the point is for students to learn and not necessarily show what they know, you don't need to grade every assignment.

I've been trying to remember this as grades are due this week. There are several assignments I had my students do to get them thinking about material. But the point was to get them thinking and writing, not for them to prove knowledge. I've taken to handling assignments like these in two different ways. Some I grade on completion; they get points just for doing it. And others just don't get graded. The point was for them to learn something, analyze something, think about class material. I don't need to grade all of these.

I've taken to calling these kind of assignments "activities" instead of assignments. It changes how students think about what they are doing. Instead of thinking just about getting the assignment done, or how to get points, they think about the process they are following. And that is what I want them to be doing. Now I just need to find a way to change how we think about assignments that I do grade, that are designed for students to show what they know.

Be the Audience You Want to Have

I've been thinking about intrinsic motivation. Again. Still. Always. I really want my students to feel things are important rather than being motivated by grades. So I'm trying a new idea.

I'm changing how I discuss talking during other people's performances. I'm a stickler for quiet while other people are talking and performing. It is a matter of respect. Performing is hard, especially for my beginning students and people talking during their performances can really undercut their confidence. We discuss the importance of respect, but often I fall into threatening to take away points for those who talk. The problem there is they aren't thinking about respect or about their peers, they are thinking about their grades. So over the past few days instead of saying "You'll lose points for talking during other people's performances" I've started saying "Be the audience you want to have." It's taking some time to work, but I like that approach better. It focuses them on respecting each other rather then on not losing points.

I Can't Do Any More Than I Am Doing

Had a student/parent meeting today with the student who got suspended for bullying. She said she didn't feel like I liked her, that she and the rest of my advanced class consider me unapproachable, and she thinks I was bad-mouthing her. Never mind that we have already had these conversations and I've tried to explain myself. Never mind that I've already apologized. Nothing I do will change how she feels. And I need to stop taking responsibility for how she feels. I have not tried to hurt her, I have not done what she thinks I have. I have apologized and explained myself. There is nothing more I can do.

I cried on the phone to my sister today after the meeting. I am doing everything in my power to be a good teacher. I am constantly analyzing and over-analyzing and stressing over everything I do. I can't do anything more. And I'm tired of feeling like that isn't good enough. I'm tired of feeling like crap because I'm not what my students expect me to be. I am who I am. I am an introvert. I am intense. I have high expectations. I love theatre in my way. I have things to offer my students that other teachers don't. I am not the extroverted, warm-fuzzy, easy-going drama teacher. I am the introverted, passionate, hard-core drama teacher. And I can't keep feeling like that is bad, like it isn't enough, like a failure. I will continue to improve my teaching because it matters to me. But I won't feel guilty for who I am. If my students don't like, that is fine. I'm done trying to twist and warp myself into my opposite to please them. I'm done feeling guilty because they have unreasonable expectations. I will do my best and that will be enough. I am not responsible to be everything for my students. I am not responsible for their feelings after I have tried to make amends.

I can't worry about issues I don't know about. If my students refuse to talk to me about things they want me to change I can't deal with the problem. Instead of worrying about what they might be saying or the rumors I hear, I will only deal with concerns that are brought to my attention. Anything else is not worthy my worry or my time. If they can't bring it up, then they can't expect me to deal with it.

I'm tired. I'm tired of worrying about everyone's feelings. I'm tired of constantly feeling guilty and unworthy. I can't keep functioning like this. I can't take responsibility for everyone's feelings. I can't be the opposite of who I am. Who I am is good enough. And this is the end of it. I'm done with the drama. I'm done with "shoulds." I am a good teacher and it is okay to feel that way even as I work to improve. I like my intensity, i like my passion, I like my seriousness. If they don't, they don't need to be in the class.

Changing How I Give Assignments

Last year and for part of this year, I would sometimes give a graded assignment simply because I hadn't given one for a while. I wanted to make sure my grade book showed that students were doing work. But I'm realizing that having an assignment for the sake of a grade doesn't make any sense.

Assignments need to be motivated by learning, not by the need to prove something in my grade book. Whenever my students ask me "How much is this worth?" or "Are we getting a grade for this?" or "Do we get extra credit for this?" my heart hurts a little.  It tells me they are not focused on learning the skills we are working on but on getting a grade. There is no intrinsic motivation which makes me sad.

This week we are working on blocking in beginning drama. I want them to get the idea that where they are on stage, the variety of levels and change of distance can help tell the story and make things look more interesting. It is a concept I struggled with as a directing student in college because of my vision. I have a vision impairment that leaves me legally blind in one eye and with poor depth perception. I listen to plays much more than I watch them. It took me a long time to learn how to create the visual aspects of a scene, but now I love that aspect of theatre. But the way I teach it is rather organic, using Viewpoints and techniques like it. There isn't room for traditional assignments. Last year I might have added some kind of written assignment just to have it. This year, I'm not going to. I can't get rid of grades completely without my school wigging out. But I can cut down on what I grade and make sure it is about students demonstrating what they know.

I have also stopped answering questions about how much assignments are worth. Instead I explain why I gave the assignment and what they can choose to learn from it. It's a middle ground trying to create intrinsic motivation.

The Talking Pig

I've put in some new measures to deal with my Advanced class as we start a new show. First, I gave them a new seating chart today. I generally don't use seating charts outside of beginning drama after the first few weeks but I want to break up the cliques. So I staggered people so they aren't right next to their friends. If they want to talk, they'll have to meet new people.

Second, we brought in the "talking pig" which is our version of a talking stick. The pig has been sort of a class mascot since last year, so now whoever has the pig gets to talk when we are having discussions as a class. It feels slighty Lord of the Flies but it helps. We did it once and then today my kids asked to bring it back.

Third, really get student feedback on what they want the show to look like. I tend towards minimalist shows. I hate dealing with props, costumes and set. But today they said they really wanted to include all of that in this upcoming show. We have time if we start now, so I'm going to try it, much as I loathe it. Heaven help me. They are excited about the show and I want to preserve that. 

What Are We Teaching Them?

Warning; I will cuss in the post. Sorry Mom.

The fucking drama continues. One of my best kids dropped my class today. He is a talented actor and incredible on tech crew. He sees and solves problems before they happen. I love working with him. And he dropped my class because his friends have been giving him crap for his personal life in class. That in itself is bad enough; these kids need to grow the fuck up and stay out of each others' business. They are so self-righteous and judgmental and nasty to each other. Most of it has moved out of my class, so there isn't a ton I can do about it. But to make it worse, him being allowed to drop the class continues a trend I've seen before: the kid who is being hurt is moved and the kids who are doing the hurting stay put.

The kid who has been hurt is uprooted and moved as though they are at fault for what has been done to them. Instead of making the other students responsible for their actions, instead of removing them from the class because they are making it unsafe, they stay while others are forced out. This is not okay. It should be the bullies who are removed, not the kids who are being bullied. But that is not what happens. Every time I've had a situation with students being mean to each other, the kids who should be removed are not. It is very upsetting.

By doing this we are teaching students that it is the victim's fault that they are bullied. We teach them that their life will be uprooted and the bully's will not. We teach them that to speak up will lead to more trouble and that they should not expect support from those around them. This makes me ill. Victims should be the priority. But in my experience they are not.

We are also teaching the bullies that they can get away with anything. Instead of forcing them to take responsibility for their actions, we teach them that someone else will clean up their messes. We teach them that consequences don't exist for their bad behavior. That is not going to last. Eventually consequences will catch up to them. Unfortunately, because they are not being taught as teenagers about consequences so they will need to learn as adults. Instead of learning in high school when they can come back from their mistakes, they will be left to flounder in college or jobs. We are doing them no favors. Students are being taught the exact opposite of what we want them to learn.

In schools, consequences only happen if the teachers are supported in giving them. I wish that were different.

I Am More Than a Teacher

I deal with an enormous amount of guilt around in my life and in my teaching. I never feel good enough in the classroom and feel guilty for things that are out of my control or that aren't bad things. It is something I am trying to deal with. Some of reading I've been doing recently has made me realize two things about my guilt.

First, I take on too much responsibility. It is very easy to dedicate my entire life to my students and do things that aren't necessary or that my students can do for themselves. I carry around a lot of "shoulds" that don't matter in the long run. I read an article recently that discussed the need for a work life balance. It advises that teachers take the time to rest, that we let go of perfectionism and place responsibility on students instead of doing all the work for them. It is a great article and it made me realize something else.

I define myself by relationships with others. When asked to describe myself, I list my relationships: teacher, wife, daughter, sister. I used to have a stronger sense of self but I've lost some of that as I've started to define myself as a teacher. I'm losing things I love. I love theatre but all the theatre stuff I do now is for my students not for myself. I love to read but all my recent reading has been about teaching. I'm a feminist but I've dropped off in my involvement. I love to write but all my writing has been focused on my students. I started to enjoy cooking after I got married but recently it has just felt like a burden and something I don't have time for. I'm losing myself and defining myself solely in my relationships with others. That needs to change. I can't define myself just by other people. I've continued reading Codependent No More and so much of it hits home. As a teacher I've been putting my needs last and it has been making me anxious and unhappy. I need to be okay with taking time for me and making sure I get what I need. My students can't be my whole life. My family can't be my whole life. I am more than my relationships. So while I work on improving my teaching it can't be all that I do.

The Teacher-Student Relationship in Drama

The struggles I've had over the past few weeks have really made me think about my relationships with my students. In the middle of all the drama, my assistant principal told me to start writing detentions and "stop being so nice." While he has point, it feels more complicated then that. This isn't fully thought out, so bear with me.

I student-taught both history and drama. I found that the relationships I formed in history classes were incredibly different from the ones I formed in drama. In history, students were individual entities. I was asking them to do intellectual work. When they misbehaved or didn't work I could deal with it on an individual basis without it causes too many problems. It didn't matter if they were pissed off at me and decided not to work. A difficult relationship with one student generally did not affect the rest of the class. That is not true in drama.

I ask my drama students to reveal themselves emotionally, to put themselves in the position to be embarrassed, to work with partners and with me on an emotional level. They have to trust that I won't lead them to embarrass themselves and that I will protect them emotionally. They have to trust me on a different level then they have to trust other teachers. They also have to trust each other. This becomes more true as they move into producing plays and need to rely on each other to succeed. If one student disengages, it affects everyone else and all the work they have done. They are more emotionally invested in their relationships with their classmates then they are in other classes. Often they have worked together for years and have a history with each other. I teach the same kids for multiple years and expect to see my students again. That is not as true in traditional subjects. When one student gets angry at me, it can't just be a matter of giving a detention or throwing them out of class. A good relationship is vital to the work we do as theatre practitioners. If that is gone, we will not be able to produce good art. So I can't just punish the behavior. I have to find the root of the problem and try to fix it. I have to be emotionally invested enough for them to trust and work with.

I saw this last year. I took over for another drama teacher that had been well-liked. Many of her students decided from the outset that they were not going to like me because I wasn't her. It was wretched and affected the feel of the entire class. They rallied others to sign petitions to get me fired, talked and goofed off during every class and refused to do any work. It became impossible to get anything done. Punishing them did nothing; they just got more angry and caused more problems. The students that I was able to form a relationship with, who decided to try to work with me were able to move forward and put on shows. But there were several students I ended up removing from the class because nothing I did worked. They continued to insult me, interrupt rehearsal, refuse to do assignments, throw fits when given detention and complain about me to the admin. Without that relationship, we could not do anything.

I don't know if this makes sense. I am not saying that students don't need to trust teachers in other classes. I guess I'm saying that there is more emotional investment in drama classes and it is easier for students to feel betrayed. And that betrayal affects the whole class. And it can affect the class for years afterward. The emotional nature of drama changes how I have to interact with my students. Throwing punishments will not solve problems because the problem is not the behavior, it is the reasons behind the behavior. In history the reasons behind the behavior were things like boredom, stress or confusion. In drama it is betrayal. That emotion is harder to fix then boredom and has bigger consequences in my mind.

Anyway, it's a hard balance. It's hard to be someone your kids trust while maintaining order and a safe space. It's just hard.

"You feel a little bit like a nuisance all day long"

Wow. I just read a blog post by a high school learning coach. He shadowed a student for two days, and came away with some pretty big insights. The first two are not new to me, since drama lends itself to students being up and doing. My classes tend to be very active. But the third insight hit me like a ton of bricks.

"You feel a little bit like a nuisance all day long." This is so sad, but probably very true. Students probably feel like problem causers because we see them that way. Sometimes I think about being good at my job in spite of my students. But that doesn't really make sense. My students are the point of my job. I do my job for them, not around them. I need to stop seeing my students as an obstacle to my job. I don't want them to feel like they are a nuisance. I feel like seeing my students that way will lead to burn out and bitterness. I don't want to be that teacher.

Attempts at Halloween

I'm not much of a Halloween person. I'm not a fan of gross and there is lots of gross around Halloween. Last year I didn't really do anything except wear a flamingo hat I found in the costume room. It is an awesome hat. But this year I decided to honor the position of drama teacher and do somethings for Halloween.

We decided that Drama Club is going to do a workshop on injury make-up on Halloween. Today we had a meeting where we taught club members how to do those kinds of make-up. I haven't done that kind of stuff in at least five years so I pulled some YouTube videos to show my students how to make bruises, scars, cuts, bite marks and stitches. After watching the videos and a few demonstrations from me, I just let them play. I got out the make-up and let them try things. They had a lot of fun and did great (gross) things. I think the workshop will go well.

I'll be dressing up for Halloween. Mostly I wanted an excuse to get a dress like this.  And I might make the cupcakes in the picture at the top of this post. We'll see how motivated I am. I want to come up with a fun activity for my classes to do on Halloween. Sometimes kids just need a break. And since Halloween is on a Friday this year everyone will be a bit wired. I'm thinking something with scary stories or poems, but I'm not sure yet. This will give me a chance to let my kids see a different side of me and have a bit of fun.

Some Positives for a Wednesday

It's Wednesday and I'm sleepy. And it's been a rough couple of weeks. So here are some positives to help me remember why I drag myself out of bed at 6:19 (I have the time I need to get up and get to school at a decent time figured out to the minute) and come to school.

• A few of my kids remember what I say. A few weeks ago I told my beginning students that they are not required to follow stage directions in scripts if those directions don't make sense. I didn't really expect them to remember that, since no one did last year. But I heard one of my students say "we don't have to do that since it's a stage direction" while rehearsing. It made me happy. 
• I got the final count on our show last week. My advanced class performed Check Please last week and did well in both shows. We've been working on clearing the air and I think we have made progress. A few of my students got me flowers, I was able to draw attention to the good work of a few students who felt neglected and we got lots of positive feedback. We tend to have pretty small audiences, but across both shows we ended up with about 170 people and make around $750. It's nice to see my program growing in that aspect. 
• One of my students wrote this on my roll today. I know that wanting my students to like me might be a problem, but it makes me feel good to have a good relationship with them. Being a drama teacher requires a different relationship with my students in some ways. I'll write about that in another post. 
  
• The student that seemed to be the instigator of all the drama last week chose to come in after school to discuss fundraising ideas. We were having a drama officer meeting and she stayed and chatted with me and them for about 45 minutes. She didn't need to come in or stay. I see that as a step in the right direction to fix the relationship. 

Fighting with Feedback

Reading Punished by Rewards has really thrown me off. It lists so many things not to do when giving feedback but doesn't provide any decent replacements. The author says to stop grading, to stop praising, to stop punishing but doesn't give any helpful ideas about what to do instead. I feel like everything I do is wrong so I find myself tempted to do nothing. Feeling like a failure for every idea I have sucks. Not a helpful place to be. I need to move forward with something, even if it isn't perfect. I also need to remember there are many schools of thought in education and they all have merit and all have problems. I can't change my entire teaching style because of one book. There is merit in keeping the main structure that I have set so students know what is going on. If I want to make major changes I shouldn't do it in the middle of a semester. And since no ideas are provided of how to change, that book is only so useful.

I'm doing better at giving feedback in a neutral tone. And I've been using a lot of self-evaluation with my advanced class. After run-throughs and performances last week we discussed what went well and what could be improved. I also had each of them pick on thing to work on for the next performance and used that as a focus during warm-ups. They were more aware of the show and were able to make fast adjustments to fix problems during the show. And they could speak to things that I couldn't, like the amount of talking backstage. Being able to celebrate things they noticed and come up with what needed to be improved gave them a sense of ownership I've been looking for them to have. As we start our next show, I'm hoping I can rely on them to critique themselves as well as take my direction. I'm going to keep moving forward with giving feedback as a group instead of all of it coming from me.

Introverts in Drama

I am very much an introvert. Being around lots of people drains my energy. I prefer to work on my own or with small groups. Large crowds of people, especially when I don't know them, give me anxiety. I avoid large social gatherings like the plague. (I may also have some social anxiety, I"m not sure.) Being an introvert in theatre has always been a challenge since theatre seems to appeal to extroverts. Working as a director or stage manager and trying to make myself heard over all the energy in the room is exhausting. The assumption that as a theatre person I love to perform has put me in some awkward positions. I love theatre but I don't have the performing gene that some people think is required.

Being an introvert also effects my teaching. I am not as big of a personality as other drama teachers. There are activities I can't get myself to do yet because of my strong aversion to feeling like a fool. It is a dynamic I am used to, because my high school drama teacher was an introvert. But my students are not used to it. And it has caused a few issues.

Most recently, I spoke with a student who said she feels like I play favorites because I talk to the same students frequently. I would agree with her, except these students approach me. They initiate the conversations, not me. I will happily chat with any of my students who come up to me, but I struggle with starting conversations with them out of the blue. So I talk more with the kids that come to me. After explaining this to my student she seemed to understand and feel better about the situation. But I'm not sure how to fix this problem, or even if I need to fix it. I feel no shame for being an introvert and I like showing my introverted students that they can do theatre without being extroverts. If they love it, there is a place for them.

The Drama Continues

This week has been a bit of a mess. After my one student got suspended for bullying, my class splintered. A group of five students decided to take it out on me and file complaints about me with the administration. I heard about it from other students and people started taking sides. I feel hurt that they went around me instead of coming to me with their concerns. I'm upset by the attitude several of them have about wanted to get me fired. I'm scared about how my job could be impacted even thoug I have done nothing wrong. I tried to speak with each of these students individually to determine what the problem was. There are rumors going around that I have been talking smack about certain students to other students. I don't remember doing that and tried to get to the bottom of it. One student has decided that I'm lying to her no matter what I say and is the one leading the drama. Nothing I say seems to have any effect; she is angry and is sure that all the rumors are true. Never mind that the rumor mill at this school is insane. For example, last year I had a kidney stone that required two surgeries to remove. Even though I told my students what was happening and why I missed so much school, half of them thought I had a kidney removed. At the end of the year a parent told me her daughter said I had cancer. Our building got hit by lightning last year and a few periods later I heard that someone had gotten hit by lightning and died even though no one was hurt during the lightning strike. Despite the fact that students know rumors exist, they insist on believing them over me. She is sure I said all kinds of things I never said.

I had a meeting with my principal about the complaints and was able to tell my side of the story. Everything he told me to do I am already in the process of doing. I've spoken with several students and seem to be fixing the relationships with some of them. But it has been very anxiety inducing. I haven't slept in two days because of the stress.

Some good things have come out of this though. There is one student that I have not been fair to. He doesn't behave differently then my other students but often gets the brunt of me getting upset about talking or cell phone use. He expressed that he felt hurt and picked on and I apologized. We've been getting along much better; I've been noticing the good things he's been doing and letting him know and he apologized for going to the admin instead of coming to me. Being able to fix that relationship has meant the world to me.

I've also been able to stay much more neutral when I deal with things. Several of my students have mentioned that they feel I am unapproachable. I don't want to be that way. I've apologized to the class about giving that impression because I really don't want to. So I've been trying really hard to keep my tone light and give criticism in a neutral tone. I'm happier when I do that and I feel like I'm connecting with my students.

I still need to have some parent meetings. There are a couple of students that I may not be able to establish a relationship with. And this week has been sucky and I never want to deal with this kind of drama again. And I learned a lot from it.

Random Brain Waves that Lead to Cat Videos

Today in beginning drama  we are talking about how to create a voice for a character. To start that discussion we were practicing changing pitch, volume and rate of speech. I had students get into groups and come up with a short exercise to practice changing one of the these parts of speech. In my beginning drama class, one group came up with saying "Hey" at different pitches and volumes. The exercise reminded me of this video, so I decided to show it to them at the end of class. It is 30 seconds and didn't take a lot of time. They had fun watching it and it made me feel like I was relaxing and being more fun and spontaneous as I taught. 

How to Fix the Drama

I'm concerned about the lack of cohesion in my advanced drama class. i went to my assistant principal who handled the initial mediation with my students last week. She suggested having students interact outside of school. That's something I hadn't thought of. So I'm getting on that. There is a fundraiser for our choir at a local restaurant tomorrow. I suggested that after dress rehearsal whoever can goes down together to get food. We are also talking about attending a show next week at another high school. They show great support for us and I'd like to get a big group from my high school to go show support.

I'm also shutting down side comments students make. This is a snarky class, and generally the snark is not meant unkindly. But it is too much. It can be hurtful even if it isn't meant to be. It is too easy for snide comments to turn nasty and I'm working on calling those comments out and ending them.

Finally, I'm scheduling conferences with the counselors and parents of several students that have become a problem. I want them to know that their behavior is noticed and needs to change. I'm doing this with one student show doesn't stop talking and doesn't seem to realize it is a problem. I'm also doing it with a student who is hostile towards me and refuses to work in most circumstances.

My vice principal reminded me that this will be a process, not a quick fix. I need to remember that and keep on it. There is still time to fix this, but it won't happen immediately.

Too Much Drama in Drama

Some drama with my advanced class came to a head this week. A few days ago several of my students came to me, saying that one student was bad-mouthing another on Twitter. They showed me several posts and told me that the student being attacked wanted to drop the class because of how she was being treated. I knew I needed to get on this immediately. I spoke with a couple of students individually and sent an email to one of the vice-principals.

The problem went bigger then I thought. When the vice-principal called students in, more names came up, including students who didn't even know they were being talked about. Eventually four students were in a mediation session for an hour and a half.

It all started with one student who feels the need to badmouth everyone. She rags on  people's clothes, on what parts they'll get in the next show, on their relationships with me. She has been suspended for a day for cyber bullying. This is such a mess. The vice-principal told me this was handled, but I have my doubts. I want my classes to be a space place, and if it isn't, I may need to remove this student from the class. If she can cause this much chaos, she needs to take it elsewhere.

I Need to Stop Reacting

I wrote in a previous post that I wear my heart on my sleeve. My students know how I feel. I still think that is a good thing. However, I need to watch showing my feelings when I am giving feedback, especially when I am upset or disappointed. Yelling at students is not helpful, even if they are not doing what is expected of them.

I was talking to the choir teacher about how to give feedback. Both of us are in our second year of teaching and still trying to figure out how to communicate with our students in a way that motivates them without making them feel that they are doing things perfectly, that lets them see how they can improve without making them feel hopeless. It is a fine line and we're both trying to find the line.

My kids have things they do well and things they need to fix. I get upset when they are goofing off or not doing their best. When I get upset, I yell. Then they feel bad or get upset with me and neither of those things improve what needs to be improved. Students' focus goes to being mad at me, feeling defensive or feeling like they will never be good enough.

I'm too reactionary. I react before I think about what I'm doing. It needs to stop. I don't know how to stop it, but it needs to change. The focus needs to be on what is working or what needs to fix, not on my emotional reaction.

Feedback

I've been reading a thoroughly demoralizing book called Punished By Rewards that basically says everything most people do to encourage kids to learn and behave does the exact opposite. Giving rewards, praise, punishments, etc. kills intrinsic motivation and makes student rely on outside approval. I encountered a similar idea in How to Talk so Kids Can Learn but this book is much more depressing about it. I can only read a bit at a time before I start feeling like a sucky teacher and have to put it down. I'm not sure how legitimate I think all of it is, but most of it lines up with what I have seen and experienced. Often students who are praised get cocky and stop trying and students who are rewarded become dependent on rewards to work. Since theatre is a creative art, I really want my students to develop the ability to come up with their own ideas and analyze their own work. That is what I want to work on this month. Here are some ideas I'll be incorporating.

1. Giving feedback instead of praise. I'm pulling this from How to Teach so Kids Can Learn (which I love.) It suggests to tell students what you observed and let them draw their own conclusions about whether it was good or not based on what they know the expectations are. It is an odd thing to do and I have trouble not tacking on praise at the end of what I say. But I think it is more helpful then just saying "good job" because that can mean anything.

2. Start having students consistently self-evaluate. I know this is important and I haven't been doing it as much as I need to. I want them to at least analyze themselves after any kind of final performance. And I might add some kind of daily or weekly self-evaluation. I need to figure out how to make that work.

3. Expectation based rubrics. I write rubrics like I was taught to, with an explanation what is required to get an A, B, C, D and F. I've been showing them to my students so they know how they will be graded. The problem is, some of them decide they are happy with a D and stop working. So from now on I want to just show them the A grade list and describe it as the expectations for each performance. I want the focus to the doing the performance, not getting the grade.

That's where I'm at for now. I'll probably add more as I go.

My Students are Human Beings

My students are human beings. This seems like an obvious statement to make, but too often I forget that. I see them as a lot of different things but forget that they are human beings and will react as such. They won't always do what I ask, and that is okay. They have outside problems that they bring into my classroom. They laugh, they get upset, they need to be supported just like I do. I had two experiences that reminded me of this fact today.

My advanced class overlaps a lunch period, so several of my students' friends come into my classroom with them before class starts. Today one of my female students caee in slightly upset with one of her guy friends who is not in my class. He kept trying to hug her and apologize and she kept telling him not to touch her and leave her alone. I believe in the human right to decide what happens to our bodies. We have the right to decide if someone touches us and if we don't want them to, we have the right to expect them to respect that. Seeing my student's right to her own body upset me. I went over and told the male student that if someone tells you to leave them alone, you do and then told him to leave my class. I spoke with my student afterward and discussed what happened with her. I wanted her to understand that she had the right to expect people to treat her how she asks to be treated. Is this in my job description? No, but students are human beings and part of that is learning how they deserve to be treated.

My final period of the day is pretty rowdy. It's a good class with lots of creativity and energy, but they are very chatty. It is the end of the day and they are ready to be done. So am I. I often get frustrated with them, expecting them to just do what I ask and be quiet and basically stop acting like teenagers. That is an unreasonable expectation on my part. And just as I was getting frustrated with them today, I remembered that. It gave me time to calm down and handle the situation without yelling or getting frazzled. I spent a lot more time yelling last year then I have this year.

My kids have feelings. I can't expect them to behave perfectly. And I have the opportunity to teach them that they have value as human beings and deserve respect.

Letting Go

Today was a good day. I was really struggling this weekend with what it means to be a good teacher and with some personal worries. I'm reading a book called Codependent No More to deal with my personal relationships. It's been very freeing to realize that I take on other people's problems and that is the source of much of my anxiety.

Today I've started making active choices to detach from other people's problems, to not try to solve all their problems and not worry constantly about others. I do this especially with my husband and my students. I waste a lot of energy on stressing out about their happiness, trying to get in and fix their problems and not getting anywhere. Today, I tried to let go, and it helped. I was able to dedicate my energy to my students today. I had fun teaching, felt happier in the classroom, felt like I was more approachable and involved with my students. It was a good day.

In my last post I wrote about how I didn't know how to evaluate my teaching. At this point, I need to start trusting my instincts. I know when things aren't working and when they are. If I feel like a lesson went well, then it probably did. I can't control what my students do, I can only control myself. I can control my teaching. I need to stop trying to control everything and everyone else. If I am keeping track of student learning and keeping track of my own feelings and impressions, I can evaluate my teaching and feel good about it.

I need to let go of a lot of things. I need to let go of my anxiety, my need to fix everyone's problems, my self-doubt and my fear of relaxing and enjoying myself. This month has been hard, but I feel like I learned a lot and I feel like now that I'm at the end, I've figured out ways to be positive.

At the beginning of the month I posted about how music has effected by mood.  So to end the month, here is another song that I'm hoping to keep in mind.

It's Hard to Be Positive When Crappy Things Happen (and a spiral into a crisis about the nature of teaching)

I'm going to lose my sh*t. It has not been a good day and started off bad in 1st and 2nd period. Part of it is that I'm overly sensitive and part of it that many of my students are unreliable. In 1st period I was discussing how my students liked having a different teacher this week. They loved having my former student here and talked about how fun it was to have him here. It hurt my feelings. Maybe it shouldn't have and I can list all kinds of reason why it shouldn't, but it did. So I felt off from 1st period on.

The in my advanced drama class we were rehearsing our show that opens in two weeks. We were missing someone, and one of my other students said "Oh, he transferred to a different school." I was speechless. This student had told me specifically that this wasn't going to happen. I checked my roll and he isn't on it anymore. So, two weeks away from opening, I had to recast. This is on top students still not knowing their lines, missing cues and talking backstage. The level of commitment is so low and I don't know how to fix that. And I'm down a guy, so that's not real great either.

I tried to keep a positive attitude today, and I did better then I would have last year. Even though I was frustrated I don't think I took it out on my students. I really tried to be high energy and have fun with my beginning drama classes. I don't know if I succeeded or not. I don't know how to measure my success. Am I successful if students are quiet? If they are having fun? If they participating? If I'm happy? If I feel good about it? As I write this, I realize the answer might be, if they are learning. But you can't force anyone to learn. So if they aren't, is that my fault? If I'm doing my best and it's still not enough, then what? Do I have to kill myself in order to be a good teacher? How do I determine my success?

Yesterday a friend posted this article on Facebook, called "Are You a Bad Teacher?" I might have to read this multiple times a day on days like this to keep from giving up.

Tomorrow

Tomorrow I'm going to try to work on the hardest of my goals for September into my lesson for tomorrow. I'm starting a unit on how to create a physical character, something that can be fun and crazy.

The ones I am having the hardest time with are voice tone, validating students' experiences and letting students see the fun side of theatre. I just started thinking about voice tone so I want to work on that. Often I remember to validate how students are feeling after I contradict them, so I'd like to remember to validate them before. For example, yesterday a student was making up an assignment and said of being on the stage "This is scarier then I thought it would be." I said "You'll get used to it," which sort of shut down the fear she was feeling. I realized that and said "But it can be intimidating to be on stage." I should have switched the order I should have said them in. Finally, I'm not good at doing anything that might make a fool of myself, so teaching physical characterization is hard for me. I want to have fun with my students on this, to get involved in the activities instead of just leading them. I want to let them have fun with what we are doing as we try to create physical characters that are different from ourselves. If I can do this and keep it up for the few days of September next week, I'll feel successful.

A New Project

Since I don't already have enough going on, I've started a new project with some of my students. A lot of them want to attend performing arts schools when they graduate, but they are not prepared for the auditions to get into those schools. I don't have time to teach them everything I want to in class for them, so I'm having after school meetings. I'm hoping by the end of the school year they will have one monologue in each of the following categories: classical dramatic, classical comedic, contemporary dramatic and contemporary comedic. I'd also like those who are interested in singing to have at least two audition songs: one lyrical and one upbeat. (Side note: I took piano lessons as a kid and hated them with a passion. My parents let me switch to private voice lessons in junior high school and I'm so glad they did. I use my singing training to teach voice units, to project when I am teaching and help my students with auditions.. Everyone told me I'd regret giving up the piano, but voice has been so much more helpful in my chosen career.)

We've discussed what makes a good monologue (objective based, character very different from the actor, appealing to the actor, etc.) and I'm given them a list of contemporary playwrights. This week they are supposed to find a couple of contemporary monologues. They have next to no experience with classical theatre, so I'm going to be bringing them classical monologues to choose from. It may take a while to find pieces that are a good fit. Once we do, we'll be working on how to perform them, as well as how to present yourself at auditions and make a good first impression. I'm rehoping it is helpful and that my students don't quit on me. They have a habit of having big dreams but not wanting to do the work to achieve them. That's part of why I am doing this after school, to see who is interested and stays interested.